The myth of counselling

I recently heard someone say "I think I may go and see a counsellor, they will tell me what's wrong and what I should do."

This spurred me to write something in order to dispel this myth and inform people about counselling before they take that step. Counsellors will not be able to give you clear definite answers to those questions you are desperate to know the answer to and they will certainly never give advice.

I would like to point out though that psychologists and psychiatrists are trained to give a diagnosis of their patients and also can give advice on where certain conditions orginate and also which treatment is most appropriate. However counselling is slightly different and it is important to know this distinction...

When I began my training as a counsellor I knew this sticking point would be my biggest problem, I am a fixer and a symptom of being a fixer is that we love to give advice and help others in any way possible to get out of a predicament. Whilst training I had to learn that this is not the job of a counsellor, we are not the ones who know best, the client does. I work within a client-centred therapy and this means that the client is the one in control; they are the ones who drive the conversation, who discover reasons as to why they may be feeling a certain way and how they wish to change. Don't get me wrong, a counsellor does not just provide a sounding board for the client (if this were true, then the training would be a lot shorter :-) ) The counsellor provides a listening ear, asks reflective and open questions and gives you the space to explore your deepest thoughts and emotions without fear of judgement. 

Now, I am happy to not give advice; because one thing that I think can be incredibly powerful is when a client reaches a moment of understanding, closure, connection with whatever is or has been going on in their life and they get to that place themselves, instead of being told how to feel or what to do. They can then move forward to instigate change and make those small steps to feeling better about themselves and the life that they wish to lead. 

Committing to counselling is a huge step for anyone, and I congratulate anyone who is brave enough to take that step, it is not easy but it can be hugely beneficial. Take your time with it, be patient and remember you are the one in control (this is always useful to remember as sometimes when we are struggling we yearn for that sense of control). You will find the answers you need but just remember the counsellor won't be the one to give them to you.